Parenting Things We Do
To make life easier for us and maybe help put things into perspective if you need a little help.
With back to schools around the corner, sometimes it’s nice to reevaluate your goals and methods of achieving them.
My goal is to raise an emotionally intelligent human while also learning to regulate myself. These are some of the things we do or don’t do in our home when it comes to parenting.
Hopefully this puts things into perspective for you and helps you out. Take what you need and leave what doesn’t resinate with you.
Is It That Serious?
A phrase we’ve used since birth and we repeat even before The Nugget could understand
“mommy and daddy will never make you do anything unless it is for your health and safety.”
This phrase reminds both her and us that unless it’s health and/or safety related, we can let it go. It also gives her autonomy over most things and has made fighting the must dos much easier when she knows that it has to be done because of her own health and safety.
Don’t Lie
I will NEVER lie to you, this has gotten a bit tricky with certain things as questions arise like Elf on A Shelf and Santa, but I’ve been careful with words and how I phrase things.
“It is as real as you believe in it.”
Has been a go to that has helped is keep the magic and my word. If she ever asks me about something being real, I try to do my best in explaining reality and make believe, how it can be fun to believe something is real and to let others believe it for fun.
Swearing Is Fine
We swear around her and don’t care if she swears at home. If it’s used within the correct context and with us, it’s fine. We do not insult each others or others with swear words because that’s too easy and low brow. Swearing does not = someone’s goodness and it’s important to understand when and where words are appropriate to use.
Screen Time is Whatever
Screen time is a part of life and we don’t track time used, but we Do monitor the content and consistency of use. Because we don’t make it a big deal she doesn’t really crave or ask for it. She has her own account for Disney+ and access to Kahn Academy Kids. The iPad lives in the car and she can watch TV at home before dinner.
It’s more a tool when driving long distances and when we all need a break.
We might have done this too well because I would love for her to use her iPad more so I could get some work done.
The biggest thing to note is if we as parents do not make it a thing, it doesn’t become a thing.
All Food Have Its Place
We do not moralize food, but we explain the importance of fueling and nourishing our bodies for the life we want.
Eating salmon, berries, and green beans help us keep up with all our activities we want to do.
Prioritizing protein before treats so our brain and body has the fuel it needs. Fiber like vegetables and fruits, helps us poop and poop keeps us healthy by taking out the trash in our body.
Fun foods are fun and we can enjoy them as long as we also make sure to give our brain and body what it needs to stay healthy.
Explaining how juice and milk can get between the teeth and cause cavities and if we have it, we want to swish with water after, but if you are thirsty water is the best.
If you haven’t noticed yet:
Being mindful that we explain why is big in our home.
We build trust with each other. It’s okay to get upset, when we calm down we try to talk about it.
Sorry Isn’t The Point
This might be the most controversial parenting rule, but I do not care if my daughter says “sorry.”
So often I hear and see parents tell their kids “say sorry” without taking the time to make sure the kid understands what just happened, why it wasn’t great, and what they should do next.
Saying sorry doesn’t negate the behavior or teach them to feel sorry. It actually can teach them that they can get away with things if they just say sorry which becomes meaningless.
If my daughter does something that hurt or upset another person, I stop her and ask her what just happened, why she did it, and if she thinks that’s okay. We stop and asses the situation. I’ll then ask her if she thinks there’s something she can do to make the person feel better. An action and then words.
At five she now rarely needs me to step in, she typically stops herself and genuinely apologizes without being told and follows it with action. Obviously she’s not perfect, no one is, but she is much more compassionate than I am and much quicker to acknowledge a mistake than most adults.
These general guidelines work for us and I find when I come back to these guidelines, I can let go of the anxiety of getting it right and over thinking (which I do a lot of).