It probably didn’t help that my mom equated money to security. While there is some truth to this, the lessons I learned growing up screwed my perspective.

My mom escaped China to Taiwan in her early childhood, then immigrating to America in her 20s, tragically losing her husband with two young kids in a foreign country before meeting my dad did not help her own relationship with shopping.

For her, having the money to buy more than enough food, stocking our cabinets, and the occasional treats made her feel secure.

Bonding Through Trauma

Together we’d go shopping as a past time, browsing sale racks, using coupons, earning points, taking advantage of gift with purchases.

If it was a deal, we were coming out on top!

Every weekend we’d go to the mall, buy a few things, get a snack, and go home with new bags of goodies. For her I think it was nice to be able to give me what she didn’t have and maybe she felt bad for the abuse cycle were were stuck in for most of my childhood.

Shopping was how we bonded all through my teen years and well into adulthood. From malls to grocery stores, she’d take me shopping. We’d buy more than I need.

When we traveled, we’d go nuts over the tchotchkes, like the more we could buy to take home, the better our memories would be of our trip. It was like we were afraid to forget the good times and needed to have trinkets to remind us.

Viscous Cycle

This led to a cycle of needing to shop and buy to feel soothed.

Shopping was a quick dopamine hit that not only gave me instant gratification, but made me feel like everything will be okay (was okay).

The problem is it wouldn’t be okay. New toys, clothes, makeup, shoes, trinkets didn’t make the abuse go away. It didn’t heal the hurt. The broken part of me was still broken.

Flash forward to my mid 30s and realizing I’ll never be happy if I don’t stop shopping. Losing my mom, woke me up. I couldn’t shop my self out of grief. I really didn’t want to either.

I still remember going to the store to get something, seeing a mother daughter browsing the racks and nearly losing it right there.

At the time of this loss we lived in a 3 story, 3 bedroom, 3.5 bath, + loft, home in Pasadena. The home was filled with stuff and none of it felt like me.

My walk in closet stuffed to the brim was mostly clothing I didn’t wear. Cheap, tags still on.

Purging It All

My world had shattered and I didn’t know who I was anymore. Stuff couldn’t fix me. So I started to go through each item in my closet, donating almost everything.

I did a mass declutter of my life, we downsized to a 1 bedroom apartment in Hollywood, and I started a no buy year.

Documenting it online was brutal. Really putting yourself out there at all is a unique kind of self harm. Personally I do it as a form of getting the chaos out of my mind and hoping I can find someone to relate to in a very lonely world.

Through that journey lots of emotions arose and I also realized it’s not about not shopping, but learning how to shop, because I can enjoy shopping responsibly.

Rules I stick to when shopping as an ex shopaholic

1. If you wouldn’t buy it at full price, don’t buy it on sale.

2. Shop for who you are, not who you wish to be.

3. No spur of the moment purchases.

4. Gift with purchase is for suckers.

5. I have everything I need, so this is a want.

A sale is only saving you if you were already planning to buy the item at full price, but shopping because of a discount usually ends up in the donation pile.

So many times I was shopping for who I want to be versus who I am already. Looking at my day to day, preferences, and gaps in wardrobe/ home is smarter than shopping for a fantasy version of me. This does require some self reflection and understanding of self.

For a long time and till this day I have an on going wishlist. The rule was: anything I wanted to buy had to live on the wishlist for a month before I could buy it. I’m not as strict now because I’ve curbed impulse shopping over the years. Any large purchases still go by this rule and often times after a few months I end up removing the item from the list.

Because I don’t shop out of boredom anymore, I find my spur of the moment shopping isn’t as toxic or an issue.

Is it really a gift if you have to buy something? Do you really need that cheap pouch or mini shade of lipstick that you’ll never wear? Gifts are unconditional, so it’s not a gift to me. Most likely it’s junk that will sit in my space for a few months before I donate it.

I am truly blessed that everything I do need, I have. If I want a new pair of shoes or jeans, it’s a want. It’s absolutely okay to want, but to feel secure in what I have has helped shift my mindset from constantly needing to chase something to feel fulfilled.

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Do I Have a New Kink?

I love Alexander Skarsgård, but him made of wicker was a little jarring at first, then I kind of was into it like most of the population.

Who remembers True Blood? I LOVED the series of books and the HBO series based on the books. Alexander Skarsgård was Eric. While most were lusting after Edward I was all about Eric.

This sentient husband or monster turns out to be kind, thoughtful, attentive, respectful, and takes care (in bed and out) of his wife. The men of the village go from negging the poor spinster woman for being alone so much that she has a husband made, but God forbid she be happily married because now the men of the village are seen for what they truly are.

It’s Fun and Games, But Not…

Give IKEA’s marketing team a raise, hopping on the virality of the trailer release.

After being trolled by an incel (always with no profile photo) of my body, I posted a series of stories bitching about how men are not lonely enough and by men I mean loser baby boys because real men wouldn’t comment on a woman’s body.

Because the trailer had just released and IKEA had posted this gem, I brought up how women would rather marry a man made of Wicker the pickings are so slim.

My friend sent me this TikTok that really breaks down why women are so drawn to this movie.

The Current State of Dating

The creator opens the video with “men are looking for a woman that no longer exists and women are looking for a man that does not exist yet.”

What’s even more eye opening are the comments under this video.

While I’m not in the dating scene and haven’t been for 15 years, I see the changes and it horrifying.

As a girl mom, I’m terrified for my daughter.

Maybe things seem worse because men stopped pretending and we now are speaking out as women or maybe we have had enough and no longer tolerate the bullshit. We have options now, which seem to terrify the male population as they try to undo it all.

The Bright Side of Abuse?

I will say the one upside of growing up with an abusive evil father is having an incredible discernment of men, often considered too critical (if there’s such a thing, but that’s just the patriarchy speaking).

I got lucky, many women from abusive upbringings tend to repeat the patterns or choose what they perceive as a safe partner who ends up being a different kind of abuse. It’s hard to grow up with a sense of self and self-esteem when your constantly being torn down by the male figure you should feel safest with.

Spending most of my teens and 20’s as an actor in Hollywood further honed my instincts about men.

There’s a part of me that could have easily made the excuse “well he’s not as bad as my dad, it could be worse.”

Something I heard too much of growing up: excuses for the abuser. My mom always focusing on the “positives” of the piece of shit.

I am not saying I didn’t have my fair share of relationship whoas, inappropriate treatment, and assaults, I did. I’m 42, back then it just happened a lot and we moved on, avoiding future incidents best we could. Most of the time we wouldn’t even name the behavior, rather accepting it as part of dating or being a woman.

I am also not saying that despite my best efforts to choose the best partner for myself, we haven’t had major struggles. We have. Relationships are hard, but I would never accept disrespect, abuse, or being thought of as less than an equal in a relationship. If that were the case, I could have a few dogs, cats, and an apartment full of wicker furniture to keep me happy.

It breaks my heart to hear stories of women realizing after having kids they choose the wrong partner. To learn that their partner’s beliefs are so far off, that they actually hate women.

Pay Attention

Anyone, especially of the male species that has a problem with the trailer should raise a red flag. Why are they so threatened by a movie of a man made of wicker? Could it be they identify more with the men of the village?

Women want love, devotion, passion, consistency, and competency. That is what Wicker is representing. Dae

Instead of hearing what a woman want and deciding to move on because they do not want to put in the effort, majority of men these days want to beat the woman down, even go as far as manipulating them into the relationship before letting the inner monster out and if they can’t hide the monster away long enough to get a few dates, they bitch and moan and troll women online.

I’ll Take Being Alone

While I am happily married, if anything were to ever happen to my husband I don’t think I’ll ever date again. Being a girl mom alone has my hackles up. How could I ever date and bring strangers around her? Would I ever trust another man with her? I don’t think I could.

There was over a decade of work put in before we had her. It takes time to know someone.

Then there’s the whole dating itself. It seems exhausting and I rather just find friends to hang out with. The baggage was heavy enough in my 20s, imagine the weight of it in my 40s or older!

I was also happily single before meeting my husband and had no real intention of getting married EVER, he kind of tricked me into it. While I love the companionship, I got lucky. We had the same ideals, beliefs, and goals and continue to share them as we grow. I’m not sure I’d get so lucky again and the buzz around Wicker is proof of this.

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My goal is to raise an emotionally intelligent human while also learning to regulate myself. These are some of the things we do or don’t do in our home when it comes to parenting.

Hopefully this puts things into perspective for you and helps you out. Take what you need and leave what doesn’t resinate with you.

Is It That Serious?

A phrase we’ve used since birth and we repeat even before The Nugget could understand

This phrase reminds both her and us that unless it’s health and/or safety related, we can let it go. It also gives her autonomy over most things and has made fighting the must dos much easier when she knows that it has to be done because of her own health and safety.

Don’t Lie

I will NEVER lie to you, this has gotten a bit tricky with certain things as questions arise like Elf on A Shelf and Santa, but I’ve been careful with words and how I phrase things.

Has been a go to that has helped is keep the magic and my word. If she ever asks me about something being real, I try to do my best in explaining reality and make believe, how it can be fun to believe something is real and to let others believe it for fun.

Swearing Is Fine

We swear around her and don’t care if she swears at home. If it’s used within the correct context and with us, it’s fine. We do not insult each others or others with swear words because that’s too easy and low brow. Swearing does not = someone’s goodness and it’s important to understand when and where words are appropriate to use.

Screen Time is Whatever

Screen time is a part of life and we don’t track time used, but we Do monitor the content and consistency of use. Because we don’t make it a big deal she doesn’t really crave or ask for it. She has her own account for Disney+ and access to Kahn Academy Kids. The iPad lives in the car and she can watch TV at home before dinner.

It’s more a tool when driving long distances and when we all need a break.

We might have done this too well because I would love for her to use her iPad more so I could get some work done.

The biggest thing to note is if we as parents do not make it a thing, it doesn’t become a thing.

All Food Have Its Place

We do not moralize food, but we explain the importance of fueling and nourishing our bodies for the life we want.

Eating salmon, berries, and green beans help us keep up with all our activities we want to do.

Prioritizing protein before treats so our brain and body has the fuel it needs. Fiber like vegetables and fruits, helps us poop and poop keeps us healthy by taking out the trash in our body.

Fun foods are fun and we can enjoy them as long as we also make sure to give our brain and body what it needs to stay healthy.

Explaining how juice and milk can get between the teeth and cause cavities and if we have it, we want to swish with water after, but if you are thirsty water is the best.

If you haven’t noticed yet:

We build trust with each other. It’s okay to get upset, when we calm down we try to talk about it.

Sorry Isn’t The Point

This might be the most controversial parenting rule, but I do not care if my daughter says “sorry.”

So often I hear and see parents tell their kids “say sorry” without taking the time to make sure the kid understands what just happened, why it wasn’t great, and what they should do next.

Saying sorry doesn’t negate the behavior or teach them to feel sorry. It actually can teach them that they can get away with things if they just say sorry which becomes meaningless.

If my daughter does something that hurt or upset another person, I stop her and ask her what just happened, why she did it, and if she thinks that’s okay. We stop and asses the situation. I’ll then ask her if she thinks there’s something she can do to make the person feel better. An action and then words.

At five she now rarely needs me to step in, she typically stops herself and genuinely apologizes without being told and follows it with action. Obviously she’s not perfect, no one is, but she is much more compassionate than I am and much quicker to acknowledge a mistake than most adults.

These general guidelines work for us and I find when I come back to these guidelines, I can let go of the anxiety of getting it right and over thinking (which I do a lot of).

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Elevating The Daily Summer

Found these items to elevate our summer days in capturing memories to keeping us comfortable.

This screen free, app free, vintage vibe camera has been going with us everywhere. LOVE that it’s relatively affordable, easy to use, and DOES NOT have an app! You just shoot using one of 4 filters, there’s a flash, and you connect the camera using a USB-C cord to download the photos.

It has kept us going and present while allowing us to snap away. Much more cost effective than film or my DSLR. It’s also lightweight and gives me all the nostalgia of growing up in the 90s.

When it comes to sunscreen, I’m a picky bitch. Unfortunately I prefer Asian and European filters because like makeup I hate the feel of anything on my body. While I was in Arcadia getting a digital perm and visiting with a friend, I stumbled upon this spray sunscreen and stick sunscreen. Randomly made a reel about it, went viral, and now I’m stressed it’ll be sold out everywhere. At time of writing the spray is sold out.

You can take a screenshot of it and check out your local Asian beauty stores. Yes, the spray is perfection and lightweight, but please do layer and reapply often! We love using this because it hasn’t irritated The Nugget’s eczema, it’s super lightweight and easy to reapply while out and about. We do use a layer of traditional lotion sunscreen for her in the mornings. Currently the last of our P90 kids brought back by a friend visiting Europe.

For reapply at the pool, I personally like this sunglaze body mist. It’s a beautiful spray, lightweight oil formula with a bit of shimmer, so I only use this when already in a bathing suit to reapply. Bonus it smells divine!

Currently on my face I’ve been enjoying this mineral sunscreen, which I was shocked works as well as it does. This is perfect if you are looking for a physical blocker and have sensitive skin. Been using this as my daily goto after finishing my Japanese one.

Do you get mosquito bites? Are you allergic like me? This mosquito bite zapper is a game changer! It uses targeted heat to neutralize the bite. Ever since getting this my recovery time is a day and I no longer itch or swell! Warning it does sting a bit, but it is totally worth it!

Elevating Basics

Are you like me and wear the same basics all summer long? It’s just easier to throw on a built in bra tee and pair of shorts. It’s my summer uniform. I have both the crop and full length bra tees in grey, white, and black. The longer length shorts are perfect for mom life, but still look good.

Lately I’ve been also enjoying this posture bra that went viral because Taylor Swift was seen wearing it. A bit pricey, but after wearing it I definitely can recommend. First off it looks amazing on, second I noticed my posture muscles were a bit tiered after a day of wear and as someone who is on the computer of phone a lot, it has helped keep my posture in alignment. Really enjoy the socks too! Ever since my arches fell during pregnancy anything to add support and these add a hint of support without becoming uncomfortable.

Both the bra and socks feel like a supportive hug, which I appreciate.

At the beginning of spring I bought myself this bikini top and bottom and that’s all I’ve been wearing at the pool, water parks, and beach. Much rather have one really good fitting bathing suit than a bunch that were okay.

Share The Serein Edit

Little Beauty Bits

The hotter the weather the less tolerance for makeup I have, but I still want a little something to feel brighter and more awake. To be honest if I just had this mascara and this cheek in Miami, I would be good.

The mascara is a volume tubing mascara which lasts all day in humidity, workouts, pools, and removes effortlessly with a little cleanser and warm water. Holds a curl, lengthens, and defines.

For a sheer wash of color, I love the shade Miami for my cheeks.

Feel Good Bits

At 42 and dealing with perimenopause, lifting heavy has made me feel strong again. Less hit, more weight. 2 to 3 days a week I focus on lifting as heavy as possible and building muscle.

Pool days for days. With the heat, it’s truly been the best to have over to grill and pool. It’s also helped with The Nugget’s swimming, bonus it’s FREE.

What I’m Reading

Just finished Broken Dove, book 2 of Silver Elite and I NEED book 3 to come out TODAY! I know a lot of people were hating on this book, but I loved it. It’s an adult version of Hunger Games with a little supernatural in it.

Also finished my reread of Queen of Shadows and will be tandem reading the next two books in Throne of Glass.

Back in May, I was gifted a Kobo Libra Color because of my rants on Tik Tok and I am loving it! As a decades long kindle user, there’s a few kinks to get use to, but overall I’ve been loving it. Will be filming a very detailed review after several months of use on my YouTube channel incase you were interested in a new e-reader.

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When my mom passed, it became a constant reminder she wasn’t here with me to celebrate. There was always a slight hue of disappointment wi…

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After another non stop week into a non stop weekend, It’s led me to think about when I can take time off and just chill.

Keeping Myself A Priority

Just me or will I be eating the last three pieces of Prosciutto in the house (after everyone has been fed) and The Nugget will ask for it because it’s suddenly her favorite? So, I of course give it to he…

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Often times it feels like it’s a flex to be busy, stressed, and productive. What is productivity? What is normal productivity for a human being?

You and I are not machines. Even a machine needs to reboot. Power off, wait 10 seconds, power back on. Recharge.

Soft Launch 2026

Reflecting on the last few years, I …

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A Few Detours

My beauty channel started to die in 2018. Maybe it was all the drama within the community, which I truly tried to…

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Looking through my calendar and photos from the past month, I feel full. There were so many connections, experiences, and moments that I am truly grateful to have lived.

It can be hard when there are so many goals per…

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Since I could remember, my mom would sneak us away to visit the fair for a little fun. She loved the turkey legs, corn drenched in butter, and all the slushies.

My mom LOVED foods and I see so much of her in The Nugget.

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Recently I purchased a…

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This has been over a 10 year dream come true for Chris and I am so proud of him.

A Little Backstory

Shorty after we met and started dating I quickly realized Chris needed a hobby out side of making money.

He was a talent agent and worked 12 - 16 hour days always on call 7 days a week. Deep in the whole entertainment …

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